The Adventures of the Bindi Sue
by Echidne and Jyestha
Summary: The sworn enemy of Captain Jack Sparrow is… err Jason Bond? Jason and his first mate Walter are pretty lousy pirates but they try hard. After a game of Go Fish late one night Jason, Walter and the Bindi Sue re meet the King of the Sea, Jack himself....


The Adventures of the Bindi Sue: A Tale of J. Bond  
  
Jason Bond stood at the helm of the Bindi Sue, the slowest ship in the Caribbean. Why is it the slowest? That would be because it was built in Austria. Austria, as the traveling vagabond pirates know, is a landlocked country.  
  
Hence the ship was basically a piece of floating wood with a kitchen attached.  
  
"Damn his eyes, that Captain Jack," swore Jason Bond as he snapped his piratey telescope shut. Jason Bond reached down to stroke his crocodile. "Soon my pet, soon the time will come when we will defeat fricking Captain Jack Sparrow and his fricking pansy ass "friend" Will and that chick... with the painted on cleavage."  
  
"Aye," piped up the first mate, Walter. "Damn his eyes, that scurvy cur!" He spat some tobacco juice, not caring what the nicotine juices did to his urinary tract. "He has managed to outwit us every time. He and his Asian magic!"  
  
"Walter," Jason questioned. "What the fricking frick are you talking 'bout? Jack's not Asian!"  
  
"Aye!" Walter agreed. "That's what makes it so curious!"  
  
Jason grunted and disregarded the entire conversation. He sat down on a wooden plank and (with his good eye) observed his ship. She was a sturdy ship, the Bindi Sue. She was named after his favorite croc and lovely bastard daughter, Bindi Sue.  
  
Jason gazed dejectedly out to the sea, dreaming of days past when he first became a pirate. "The Scourge of the Seas, they called me," he told his croc. "Jason Bond spread disaster and destruction like a French disease." He sighed dejectedly and continued. "But those days ended with the assent of Jack Sparrow to whatever the hell he calls himself nowadays. Captain Jack, my ass."  
  
"Eh, Jason?" Walter tugged on Jason Bond's artfully ripped pirate clothes. "Want to play Go Fish?"  
  
"Nonsense, mate. You cheat," said Jason briskly, turning towards the starboard side of the boat.  
  
"Sir, how do you cheat at Go Fish?"  
  
A beat passed quickly as Jason hurriedly drew up the anchor. "I don't know," he admitted slyly.  
  
Suddenly a cannon ball tore into Jason's Bindi Sue.  
  
"She's MELTING!!!" Jason hollered. "Is it the Asians?! WALTER! QUICK!!! TO THE BRIG!"  
  
"Err.. No sir, we don't have one!"  
  
"Oh... well, who is attacking mate?"  
  
"Let me go check..." Walter scurried over to the gaping hole in the Bindi Sue and viewed a large ship float a couple of feet away. "Hey, you're really fricking close."  
  
The mate drew back in surprise. "Walter? Be that you?"  
  
Walter spat out some more tobacco juice. "Calvin?" For indeed, it was the rogue quasi-mute Calvin. Calvin and Walter went way back, back to when Walter used to chew tobacco at the bus stop. Cause he's a badass. Back when Walter was called "Scott."  
  
"What up, brother?" Calvin questioned.  
  
"My fricking boat is sinking, man!" Walter cried. "Stop putting holes in me boat!"  
  
Jason, who was calmly smoking a bong and watching this conversation, interjected, "Let me speak with your captain, Kasey."  
  
"Calvin," corrected the sailor. "And surely. Do you invoke the right of parley?"  
  
Jason was perplexed. "Does it involve free food?"  
  
"It could," mused Calvin. "Depends on the Captain's mood. If he's hungry, perhaps."  
  
"By all means—Parley it is," declared Jason. "Come, my first mate. Let us abandon ship!"  
  
But there was no ship left to abandon. Jason, Walter and the Crocodiles flopped onto the deck of the mysterious ship that destroyed the Bindi Sue.  
  
"SO!" Jason said joyfully, "Nice boat."  
  
The infamous Captain Jack Sparrow raised the brim of his hat and nodded the plume towards Jason.  
  
"Jason," he said coldly. "It's been awhile."  
  
"If by "awhile" you mean three years, 6 months and 19 days than yes, Jack. It has been awhile," retorted Jason.  
  
Jack smiled attractively. "I knew you'd return."  
  
"We will fight to the death, eh?" Jason questioned.  
  
"Yup!" said Jack. "And I can't wait, because I'm immortal!"  
  
"Damn!" Jason cursed under his piratey breath. "I wish I thought of that!"  
  
"There, there," comforted Jack. "I'm sure you'll find a way to redeem yourself. You always have, Jason Bond."  
  
"You mock me," said Jason, his eyes narrowing to slits. "You disparage me with your unkind and unwelcoming attitude and I will not be disparaged!" He withdrew his sword from his sheath and raised it to the level of Jack's eyes. "Now I will ask you but once. Drop. Your. Sword."  
  
"I'm not holding my sword, you fool."  
  
"Fine. But tell me this! Where is Liz, the mother of my bastard daughter Bindi Sue?"  
  
"She's in CANADA! You fool!"  
  
"Canada? What the hell is my Asian Goddess with her fricking Asian magic doing in fricking Candiana?"  
  
"Well she's not getting a tan," quipped Will. Who was not that bright, very attractive and completely homosexual.  
  
The crew of the Black Pearl laughed in amusement as Jason sulked. "Canada is one of the ones up north," he plotted. "And I will reach there one day."  
  
He gazed down at the wooden fragments of the Bindi Sue. "Who the frick am I kidding? I really don't care about my Asian wife or my bastard daughter/ crocodile. Can I join your band of pirates, Jack?"  
  
"Well, actually," Elizabeth, the ship hussy injected. "We could use a cook... or a ship archeologist."  
  
"Really? Because I've been looking for bones in dirt, in sand, in goo...."  
  
"Groo?"  
  
"Grew?" Jack questioned. "Grew, like our romance, Jason Bond."  
  
"No! Groo like the fearsome Water Hell Beast behind you."  
  
"Just shut up and regard the bones," snapped Walter. "I've got to see a man about a wallaby." -fin-  
  
Important Note concerning Jason Bond: We do not own Jason Bond. Jason Bond is a very strange boy. Although Sarah and Lindsey have imagined Bond to be the coolest superhero EVER, Jason, we understand that you are not a pirate, archeologist, superhero, knight, King, florist, wizard, croc-wrestler and you do not have extra-ray vision, an invisibility cloak or a daughter/ship named "Bindi Sue." So Jason: Thank you and SORRY!! (  
  
(OH! And friendly Readers! If you love Jason, and how could you not! Read our other tale about him: Do you Like Mexican?)  
  
A/N by Sarah: It's late. I cannot remember lots of things.  
  
A/N: It's Lindsey. It's VERY Late. As our spelling shows. Dear Lord, it's late and this is our 20th fic. A moment we have been anticipating for about 3 months and we destroyed it... god, we have been on fan fic for over a year and a half... can't you tell how we have grown as "authors"  
  
Good nite... because it is VERY LATE and we are mostly likely VERY high... or  
  
AHHHH  
  
Stop playing fricking Anything Goes!!  
  
Err... REVIEW! 


End file.
